The Quarterback's Crush Page 6

  And then I realized what I’d said. Out loud. In the locker room. To my teammates. To a roomful of big, tough straight guys, and there was only me, and I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time and I didn’t really know what to do, so I stood there and waited for them to say something. And no one did. You know how they say when you’re about to be in an accident and time slows down around you? It was kind of like that. I looked at jaws drop, and I swear I could hear Riley actually thinking. But I’d said it, and I couldn’t walk away from it, and so I stood up as tall as I could. “I’m gay. And I like a guy and I’m a mess because I can’t think of anything but him and I keep screwing up everything and I’m sorry.” I wasn’t crying anymore, but I was tired. Really, really tired.

  No one said anything for a few minutes, and then Riley came up to me, and I braced myself, in case he tried to hit me. He didn’t, though. He put his arm around my shoulder. “Okay, so I think we all know where this is going. And I just want you to know, Dylan, and I want to say this in front of everyone. You’re my best friend, and I love you like a brother, but I’m not gay, so I’m not into you like that, but, dude, I totally get why you’re in love with me.”

  “What?” I had no clue what the hell had ever given him that idea. “Dude, that’s just gross.”

  “Are you telling me, I’m not the guy you have a crush on?” Riley looked really hurt. Actually hurt at the thought that I wasn’t into him.

  “Riley, you’re my brother.” I slapped his back. “I could never be into you like that.”

  “Hey!” Dave shouted across the locker room. “You’re gay?” Dave looked at me. “You’re gay?”

  I nodded and spoke quietly. “Yeah. I am. And, I’m sorry I’ve been playing so badly. It’s just that I have… I really, really like this guy, and I thought he was gonna be here today to cheer us on, to cheer me on, but he didn’t show up, and I really haven’t been thinking clearly, because I wanted to tell you guys, but I was afraid.”

  Chad turned to Steven. “Totally did not see that one coming.” He looked at Jonny. “I could have seen you coming out, but not Dylan.”

  “Guys!” Now Jonny looked annoyed. “I’m not gay!”

  “Are you sure?” Chad asked. “Like really sure? I could have sworn—”

  Jonny grunted and walked away.

  “Guys,” I sat back down, my head throbbing. I didn’t want to cry again, but I could feel my eyes welling up. This would be all over school by Monday morning. I was going to have to give up football. Give up my friends. I’d have to delete all my online accounts and see if I could get Dad to homeschool me for the rest of the year. I had to even prepare myself for Riley turning his back on me to support the team. I sighed, knowing that even with this being my senior year, I wasn’t going to enjoy being alone and friendless. “Guys, I’m still the same person that I was. I’ve known this for a long time, and I… I’ll just go. Have a great second half.” I stood up and walked to my locker, starting to take my gear off.

  Dave put his hand on my shoulder, and I figured if he wanted to take a swing at me, then I deserved it. “Why didn’t you come talk to me? I’m your friend.”

  “What,” Riley said, narrowing his eyes “is that supposed to mean? If he was going to tell anyone first, it would’ve been me. I’m his best friend.”

  “Riley, come on. You?” Dave looked at me. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me first, Dylan. I have a gay uncle. He’s actually my godfather.”

  “How would I know that?”

  “You met him last year at the homecoming game.” Dave looked at me, like I should have known that all along.

  “Oh, wait,” Chad said. “Was he the guy with that really bright red scarf? He kept waving it like a flag?”

  “Yeah, that’s him. Him and his boyfriend are getting married next year.”

  “That’s cool,” Chad replied.

  “Yeah. Mom is already stressing about what to get them, because, of course, they always give us the best gifts.”

  “That’s it?” Steven, second string quarterback, came toward us, and I knew he was going to cause some serious shit if I stayed. “Gay uncle? Big deal. My cousin is gay. And a drag queen.” He smiled at all of us, like he’d won something. “Hey, he has some really cool friends. If it doesn’t work out with this guy you’re into, I could ask him to introduce you to someone. Are you into older guys? Most of his friends are, like, twenty-two.”

  DeShawn practically spit as he looked at all of us. “Seriously, dudes? You guys are amateurs.” He pointed at himself. “Lesbian sister. Double dated with her and her girlfriend. Boom.” He opened up his palms, like the explosion after a fist bump and sat back down.

  I looked at them. “Guys, you’re all freaking me out here.”

  Jonny looked at me, then looked around the room. “Dylan. We’re your friends. We’re teammates. Hell, we’re family. You stick by family, no matter what.” He put his fist forward and I bumped it with my own. “Is it going to be a little weird while we figure some stuff out? It might be, but you’ve never perved on anyone in the showers and no one thinks you’re going to start now. Dude, we’re always going to be there for you.”

  Riley walked up to me and hugged me so tight I couldn’t breathe. “You’re my brother. And if you ever hide anything like that from me again, I will kick your ass seven ways to Sunday. And that’s all I’m ever going to say about how it hurts that you thought you couldn’t talk to me.” He let go. “You’re my brother,” he repeated.

  Now I was going to cry. I fist-bumped him too and DeShawn came and put his arm around my shoulder. “Here’s what we’re gonna do. We’re gonna to go out there and win the game, because no one wants to date the losing team. Then after, we’re gonna get pizza and we’re gonna go over Riley’s house and we’re gonna help you get, what’s his name?”

  “It’s Tommy.” I was shaking my head now. “Tommy Peterson.”

  “That guy?” Jonny rubbed his chin, which he always did when he wanted to look smart. “He’s in my physics class.”

  “Okay,” Riley said. “First, we go out on that field and we kick Westfield’s ass. Then we figure out how to get this man a boyfriend. Team on three!”

  We all put our hands in and shouted as loud as we could. As we filed out of the locker room onto the field, Riley grabbed my arm, holding me back.

  “Hey, Dyl. Before we go back out… you know you’re my best friend, right?”

  I nodded, “Yeah, of course.”

  “And you know you’re my brother, right?”

  “Yeah. You might have mentioned it about twenty times in the last five minutes. Why? Oh, man. Are you going to tell me you can’t trust me now?”

  Riley rolled his eyes. “Jeez, dude. You are such a pessimist.” I didn’t need to ask him what he meant (vocab word from about six weeks ago) and he kept talking. “I know this isn’t an excuse. I mean, I really know it, but it’d kill me if you thought that I ever used that word, you know, or the stuff that I said and meant it. I mean I really do love you, man, and I can’t stand that you might think—”

  “Dude. Stop. You’re sounding like me now.” He smiled at me and I smiled back. “I know you didn’t mean it that way.”

  “Good. And I swear, I’ll never use that word again.”

  “Pinky swear?” I said, smirking at him.

  “Pinky swear.” He smirked back. “You always did like to pinky swear. How the hell did I not know you were gay?” Riley slapped me on the back, and we ran out onto the field laughing. “Let’s go kick some ass and get you a date. We can double at the winter semiformal.” We ended up winning the game 28 to 14.

  HOW THE TEAM DECIDED TO HELP ME

  BY THE time Chad and I got the pizza, most of the guys were in Riley’s basement den. His father had kind of kept it as a sort of bachelor pad. Pool table, expensive sound system, and flat-screen TV. The TV in the living room was better, but the downstairs gave us a lot more privacy.

  We all started eating and were hanging out
like always when Riley pulled out an old artist stand his mom had. There was a big pad of paper, and Riley’d ripped out two pictures from the yearbook. He taped one of Tommy at the top and one of me at the bottom. In between there was a line straight across the middle. And Riley, being Riley, had written OPERATION BIG GAY LOVE across the top.

  “Okay guys, listen up. We’ve got some serious work to do. This is like any game. We’re gonna study strengths and weaknesses and we’re gonna figure out a plan.” He wrote underneath Tommy’s picture “gay?” And then, next to mine “gay!”

  I blushed a little red. “Thanks, man.”

  DeShawn looked at me as he shoveled another pizza slice into his mouth. “You’ve got to be proud of who you are, Dylan. If you can’t even say you’re gay without getting all embarrassed, then how is Tommy supposed to be into you?” It would have been more of a pep talk if he hadn’t belched right then, but, still, it’s the thought, right?

  Dave was pouring himself some more soda, and he sat next to Steven on the couch. “Believe it, man. Confidence is what girls want. I’m guessing gay guys want the same thing.”

  Riley held up a hand. “Jonny, you’re in Tommy’s physics class, so see what you can find out about his likes and dislikes.” Jonny pulled out his phone and started taking notes. “What kind of food he likes, what music does he listen to, what books does he read. What does he do for fun?” Riley turned to Steven and Chad. “You guys need to find out who his friends are and get to know them.” He stared at them. “I’m counting on you two to be subtle. You get to know Tommy’s friends and let them know how cool Dylan is. If we can get in with his friends, it’ll make everything easier.” As he gave each team member their jobs, he wrote their names and what they were supposed to do on the board. Riley looked around to see who he hadn’t assigned a task to and he looked at me and DeShawn. “Dylan, you just keep up with your tutoring. If anything happens or you find out anything that we need to know, we’ll add it to the board.”

  “And me?” DeShawn looked around.

  “DeShawn, when we get to seal the deal, you need to teach this man some moves. Seriously, when Hannah flirted with him, it was just ugly.”

  By the time Riley drove me back home, there was no food left.

  HOW OPERATION BIG GAY LOVE STARTED

  TO: DYLAN

  From: Steven

  Dude, it’s NOT MY FAULT!!!!!!!

  This was the text I got during anatomy class. Steven had first lunch period along with Chad and a couple of other guys. Luckily, I didn’t need to wait until after school to find out what Steven was talking about.

  Here’s what I heard first—two guys from the football team started a massive food fight, causing the cafeteria to serve second lunch period outside.

  Here’s what Steven told me after school—he and Chad had seen some of the guys from the chess club and we knew, thanks to the yearbook that Riley had cut up, that Tommy was part of the chess club. Figuring they’d get a jump on making friends with the nerd set, the two of them decided to sit down with Rick, Robert, and Robby. That’s when it all started.

  “Hey, guys,” Steven said, looking down at the chess players. “Anyone sitting here?”

  Robert put down his spoonful of yogurt and looked up at the two jocks. “We’ll find somewhere else. Let’s go guys.” He nodded to the others and they started getting their stuff together.

  Chad sat down next to Rick and put his hand on Rick’s shoulder. “Dudes, we wanna join you. It’s your table. We just wanna hang.”

  Robby’s voice squeaked. Only a little, but it squeaked. “Really?”

  Steven was already almost halfway through his sandwich in two bites. “So, guys. Tell us about chess. The only board game I’ve ever played is checkers.”

  Chad spoke up. “We played Risk every Saturday when we were in seventh grade.”

  “Oh yeah, right. I forgot about that.” Steven downed his water bottle. “So, chess. Is it fun?”

  Robert looked at the two jocks. “Are you serious?”

  “Uh, yeah.” Chad reached over Robby’s brown bag to grab a potato chip. “You guys are all on the team with Tommy Peterson, right?”

  “Dude,” Steven said as he punched Chad in the shoulder. “You can’t just eat other people’s lunches. It’s totally rude.” He turned to Robby. “If he acts like a jerk, just hit him and point it out. It takes him a while to learn, but he gets there. Eventually. It took me a year to get him to stop drinking directly from the OJ cartons in my house.”

  Robby squeaked again. He didn’t actually say anything. Just squeaked.

  Rick drank some milk from his thermos. He always had milk at lunch. Last year he’d tried to get his mom to not pack the thermos anymore, because he could buy milk at school, but she’d added up how much money they would save if she packed it herself and told him she could put the money toward his battlebots, so he kept the thermos. Swallowing his milk, Rick spoke up. “There’s no actual consensus on where chess originated, you know. A lot of scholars think it’s a combination of similar games from India, China, and Ancient Persia.”

  Steven and Chad looked at each other. “Cool.”

  “Football actually has a similar origin,” Rick continued, mostly because he was nervous around the two jocks. “There were variations of the modern game played in colleges around the nation, but it wasn’t until Walter Camp came up with a unified rule system that it began to be played between colleges rather than what were originally known as ‘mob games.’”

  Robert was staring at Steven and Chad who were staring at Rick, who was staring at the table, drawing little swirls with his fingers.

  “Dude,” Chad said, looking at Rick and starting to chuckle. “You know everything. You’re, like, hysterical!”

  “Really?” Rick looked up and smiled. For exactly two seconds. Then he saw them coming. The three banes of Rick’s existence. The three biggest guys on the baseball team. Rick packed up his books, shoving them inside his backpack. “Oh no.”

  Steven turned around, looking for something scary, and when he turned back, all three of the chess club players had their bags packed, their heads down and their shoulders hunched, as if trying to be invisible. “Uh, guys,” Steven said. “You okay?”

  “Don’t say anything,” Robby whispered, his voice cracking. “They might walk past.”

  Chad and Steven were staring at the three boys as Alec, Justin, and Russell sauntered up to the table. The three were the best baseball players on the team and the only three from the entire school district who played on an All-State team last year. Chad was neighbors with Alec, who he almost liked, but he couldn’t stand being around Justin, who somehow managed to be both a complete idiot and know-it-all. And nobody liked Russell. Chad didn’t think that even Russell’s friends actually liked him.

  “Hey, ladies,” Russell boomed as he leaned over the table. “What’s going on, Chad? We keeping the nerds in line?” He slapped his hand down on the table and the three chess players jumped in their seats.

  Chad leaned back and looked at Russell. “Actually, Steven and I are hanging out with our new buddies. We were thinking we might start playing chess and wanted to learn more.”

  Russell looked at the two jocks, then at Alec and Justin, and he burst out laughing. “Good one, dude.” He managed to shift his weight so he loomed over Robby. “So, I forgot my lunch money again, and I’m really hoping you won’t mind lending me the cash to get something yummy and nutritious from the nice lady with the hairnet.”

  Robby gulped hard, but reached for his pocket. Steven put his hand on Robby’s shoulder and stood up, stepping close enough to Justin that the baseball player had to step back. “Russell, do yourself a favor and keep walking.”

  Russell took a step forward into Steven’s face. “Are you kidding me with this? What is with the football team?” He crossed his arms over his big chest. “First Dylan tells me to stop picking on that loser Tommy Peterson, now you two? Porter was always an idiot, but I didn’t thi
nk the whole team would go faggy.”

  “First of all, Russell, Tommy Peterson is a friend of ours. Second, don’t use that word again. And third, I’m going to give you some really, really good advice. Walk.” By this time Chad stood up and stepped in front of Alec, separating Russell from his friends.

  For a minute it looked like the three baseball players were going to turn around and walk away, but Russell reached out and grabbed Rick’s sandwich. He shoved it hard into Steven’s face, knocking him off-balance. Alec laughed when Steven tripped over Robert’s foot and fell down. Chad grabbed Rick’s open thermos and tossed the remaining milk in Russell’s face before he tackled the big baseball player and knocked him to the floor.

  Robby squeaked when someone two tables over shout “Fight!” and he dove under the table, yanking on the bottom of Rick’s jeans to get him under the table, but Rick pulled his leg away and let out a yell as he jumped up on Justin’s back, then dumped his yogurt cup on top of the baseball player’s head.

  Food began flying back and forth, and it took four teachers and a janitor to break it all up. By the time it ended, the principal’s office was filled with two football players, three baseball players and three members of the chess club.

  Principal Mathers was so angry, his ears were red.

  “I cannot believe that we have five star athletes not only involved in, but starting a food-throwing… incident! And, you three,” he continued. “The school’s science fair winner. A student who had an almost perfect score of his SATs. And you!” He pointed at Rick. “This year’s likely valedictorian. I’m actually ashamed.” He sat down behind his desk, spreading his hands flat, as if he were trying to keep it from floating. “Now, who wants to tell me what happened.”