The Quarterback's Crush Page 2

  After practice I went to the library and tried to chill while I waited for Tommy, but my leg wouldn’t stop bouncing up and down. When he walked in, I stood and smashed my knee on the edge of the table.

  “Hey,” I said, rubbing my knee. “How are you?”

  “Hi,” Tommy replied. He pulled out a chair and sat down. “Did you finish all those practice equations?”

  “I’m great, thanks,” I said with a smile. “And I’m glad to hear your day went good. Well. Went well.”

  He looked at me from across the table and blinked. “Sorry. How are you?”

  “I’m making a joke, Tommy.” My knee was still hurting from banging it against the table, and I had to put my hand on top of my leg to stop it from bouncing and banging my knee again. “Just because we have to study doesn’t mean we can’t get to know each other better.”

  “We should probably get caught up on everything. You have a trig test in two weeks, and you have a vocabulary quiz this Friday, right? We can take five minutes at the end and go over any questions you might have about your vocabulary.”

  “How’d you know that?” Was he looking at my class schedule? Was he checking up on me with my teachers, making sure I was doing what I was supposed to be doing?

  “You told me about it. Remember?”

  “Oh, right. I forgot. So we can study first and then talk after, okay?”

  “Let’s start with the practice problems and see how you did.” He held out his hand, ignoring me, and I sighed when I passed him my sheet.

  It took him only a minute before he found a mistake. He leaned in a little closer to me and suddenly I could smell him. It was really nice. I couldn’t figure out what I was smelling. It didn’t smell like regular soap. It was definitely something like a candle. Like the beach, maybe?

  “Okay, Dylan,” he said, “you have to take the angles of the two measurements and—” He kept talking and I leaned a little closer and watched his hands fiddling with the paper in front of us. I swear, I actually was paying attention to him. I wasn’t completely distracted by the way his hair kept falling into his face.

  “Dylan? Do you understand?”

  “Yeah, yeah. It makes sense.” I scratched my head. “Tommy, can we take five minutes? My head hurts a little.”

  He sighed. “Sure, Dylan. Five minutes.” He leaned back and pulled a small pack of gum out of his front right shirt pocket. “Gum?”

  “No thanks. I’m good. Sorry, I just have a little headache.”

  “It’s fine. Sometimes math does that.” He laughed a little bit, and I realized he’d made a joke. I wanted to laugh but thought it might be too late to actually join in without seeming like an idiot, so instead I smiled and hoped that’d be enough.

  I was quiet for a minute. “How was school today?”

  He shrugged. “Fine. It’s always fine. The usual stuff, you know.”

  “Well, I know my usual stuff, but I don’t know yours. What’s usual for you?”

  He looked uncomfortable and started playing with the end of his pencil. “The usual. You know. Study, study, study.”

  I laughed a little bit. “C’mon, Tommy. You must have had some fun. Hang out with your friends maybe? Like that girl you were with today during lunch.” That last part came flying out of my mouth without me planning it, and I had to stop myself from biting my lip. Actually, I probably could’ve gotten away with biting my lip. I had to stop myself from punching my own head.

  “Allie?” Tommy looked at me like I just said something stupid. And I had, so I couldn’t really blame him for looking at me like that. “We don’t really hang out the way you and your friends do, Dylan?” He was back to making everything a question. I could tell that he only did that when he got nervous. I hated that he was nervous around me. Did I really come across like that much of a jerk that he’d be scared around me? I made a note that when I got home today, after I did my homework, I’d take a few minutes and think back to see if I’d ever really bullied anyone. I knew I could be a jerk to my friends, but I couldn’t remember being a jerk to a total stranger. But, then again, I’d have to take a few minutes and think about it. Tommy started talking again. “Not at school, anyway?”

  I took a second to think about everything that I said and make sure it wasn’t rude or mean before I asked him a question. “Why not?”

  “We can’t just hang out in the cafeteria and make a lot of noise.”

  “Why not?” Now I was proving that I was the idiot. I sounded like a parrot, repeating everything over and over. “Are we that noisy? I can ask the guys to keep it down if you need it quieter to study or whatever.”

  “It’s not the noise, Dylan.” He sighed, like my mom used to do when she was trying to explain something to me that was super obvious to her. “Dylan, when my friends and I draw attention to ourselves, you and your friends make life difficult.”

  “What?” I was anxious and angry all at once and I had to stop myself from raising my voice. “Is anyone from the football team bothering you?”

  “No. The football team usually ignores us. I think your friend Jonny is in my physics class.”

  “Then who’s picking on you?”

  “Your buddies.” He shrugged while I waited for him to say something. “I think it’s mostly the baseball team.”

  “I’m not friends with the baseball team.” I was kind of incredulous (vocab word from last week) that he thought all the jocks in school hung out together. I guess we kind of did. I mean, I hung out with a few guys from the baseball team once in a while. “I mean, I know some of them, but mostly I just hang out with the football team.”

  “Sure. Whatever.” Tommy looked at me like we were about to have a teachable moment. “Don’t you guys all hang out together? All the guys on the teams hang out and work out and go to bonfires on the beach so they can make out with the cheerleaders?”

  “Tommy, where are you getting these ideas?” I shook my head and kind of smirked at him. “Seriously. Who goes to bonfires and where is there even a beach around here?”

  “I don’t know,” he almost smiled back at me and shrugged. “Movies, I guess. Maybe TV. You’re right. There isn’t a beach around here.”

  “You know that’s not really how it works, right?” I rested my chin in my hand. “Here it’s pretty much each team on its own. Sure, now and then we hang out or see each other, but it’s not like we’re friends. Not really.”

  “Maybe I’m watching the wrong movies.”

  “Yeah. I think so. Hey.” I reached out and tapped the table with my finger. “If anybody bothers you it doesn’t matter what team they’re on. Just let me know, and I’ll take care of it.” I flattened my hand for one second, and then for some reason, I made it into a fist. I kept it on the table, but I made sure Tommy could see both my fist and how serious I was. “You tell me, and I’ll take care of you. It. I’ll take care of it. I promise.”

  “Sure. Whatever.” His voice was flat. “Five minutes is over. We have to get back to studying.”

  HOW I (FINALLY) FIGURED OUT WHAT WAS IN MY BRAIN

  SATURDAY NIGHT, I was hanging out with Riley in my bedroom, playing the Xbox Dad got for me last Christmas.

  “Dyl, this isn’t even fun anymore. It’s like playing against my grandma.” Riley tossed the controller down and leaned back against my bed, turning away from the screen.

  “Sorry, man. I’m just having a weird day.” I grabbed the soda can next to me on the floor and downed it, looking at the score and realizing I hadn’t even gotten ten points. Okay, what was going on in my brain? I was always pretty good with video games.

  “Everything with your dad cool?” Riley and his family had totally been there for me and my dad when Mom died last year. Even when we were kids, his parents and mine had considered us both part of each other’s family.

  “Yeah. Dad’s good.” I crushed the can in my fist and tossed it into the trash can. “It’s just been a weird week. I started my tutoring.”

  “Oh, righ
t. How’s that going? I’m so freaking glad I don’t have trig this year.” Riley reached into his backpack and pulled out a bag of pork rinds.

  “Do you know Tommy Peterson?”

  Riley thought for a second while he ripped open the bag and started eating. “Is he the tight end for Eastbridge High?” He held out the bag to me, but I waved it off. I hated too much junk food during the season and when I did cheat, I wouldn’t waste it on pork rinds. It’d be really good junk food, like fries and pizza.

  “No. He’s my tutor.”

  “Hmmm. Oh, wait! Short kid? Kind of nerdy?” Riley laughed when I nodded. “Dude. I just described half of the dudes in the honors classes.”

  I didn’t laugh right away because it took me a minute to figure out Riley was making a joke. “Oh, right.” I paused for another second while Riley chewed. “I was wondering if you knew anything about him.”

  Riley finished off his bag of pork rinds and got up to toss it into the basket along with my soda can. “Sorry, bud. Is he a nice guy?”

  “Yeah.” I really wanted to say something to Riley. But what would I say? It’s not like I had anything big to report. Just the usual. Studying more than I ever have before. Working out a lot. Football practice. Attracted to other dudes. Nothing big. But if that was it, then why did I want to talk to him about Tommy? Maybe I wanted Riley’s help looking out for Tommy. Anybody should be able to make as much noise in the cafeteria as they want. I get that that wasn’t really Tommy’s point. He wasn’t really looking to make a lot of noise in the cafeteria. It was a metaphor. Or a simile. Maybe an analogy? I’d have to look all those words up. I figured I could ask Tommy. He’d explain them to me. “Yeah. He seems cool.”

  I felt a little bit like a jerk. I couldn’t ever remember hiding anything from Riley before. I was pretty sure I had but never anything big. He knew when I cheated on my math test when I was in sixth grade. He knew when I stole that CD from the record store when I was a freshman, and he came with me when my mom made me go back to the store and return it. But I wasn’t really hiding anything much now. It wasn’t like I was fooling around with a guy and keeping quiet about it.

  “What do you want to do? It’s still early. We could head to the movies? Just go to the mall? We could go get something to eat?”

  “I’m good with whatever.” I shrugged and grabbed the Xbox controllers and tossed them on the bed. “I’m not really hungry.”

  “Hannah’s still having a few people over tonight. We could stop by her place. I know she’d like to see you.” He laughed. “Attached to her face!”

  “Dude!”

  “Sorry, man. But, let’s face it. She wants you.”

  I didn’t look at Riley when I reached into my closet and grabbed my coat. “No thanks.”

  “She’s kind of hot. A little skinny for me, but whatever.”

  I stuffed my keys and phone in my pocket and went downstairs. Riley followed me, texting somebody. “Okay, so DeShawn is going over to Hannah’s, but Steven and Chad are going to the movies with Jonny and Emily. How’s Jonny going to get anything that way? Maybe Jonny really is a fag? Having Steven and Chad along means that he doesn’t have to do anything.”

  “Dude. Not a nice word.” I tried to keep my voice casual, but I think it came out angry.

  “Chill, Dylan.” He texted some more and didn’t even bother looking up. “You know what I mean. Let’s just head over to Hannah’s. If we’re bored, we can always leave. Maybe go to Cheese Sticks or something.”

  “I don’t care,” I said. I was still thinking about what Riley had said, and I couldn’t figure out why Tommy kept popping into my mind. Maybe it was that I was learning a lot and starting to enjoy math. Oh, man, was it possible I was turning into someone who really liked trig? Something else to worry about. I didn’t even want to imagine that I might end up as a Mathlete, especially because I’d be truly terrible at it. Instead, I added, “I’m cool with whatever, as long as you don’t try to get me to hook up with Hannah.” I waved good night to my dad and closed my front door behind us, locking it.

  “Sure thing, dude. Whatever you want.” He pulled out his keys and pressed the fob unlocking his car doors. “You know you’re going to have to tell her at some point that you’re not interested. Even you’re not so dumb that Hannah’s going to believe you don’t know she’s into you.”

  “Gee,” I said, pulling the door open. “Thanks, Ri. It means a lot that my best friend thinks I’m dumb.”

  “Don’t be sensitive, man. You know what I mean.” He double-checked his mirrors, even though no one ever touched Riley’s car but Riley.

  Riley drove super slow to Hannah’s place. Riley always drove like that, and I had more time to figure out how I was going to avoid Hannah. I realized every plan I had would be hard to pull off because we were going to actually be at her place.

  “Dylan, I just want you to know, if you want to talk about anything, you know you can talk to me, right?” Damn. I always forgot how smart Riley really was. People underestimate him because he’s kind of a jackass sometimes, but he knows me really well.

  “Yeah, man, I know.” I fiddled around with the window, watching it go up and down.

  He laughed out loud. “I get it, dude. You don’t have to avoid talking. Just tell me to shut up.”

  “When have you ever shut up when I’ve told you to shut up?” I stopped playing with the window and looked at him, keeping my mouth shut as we pulled into Hannah’s driveway.

  Hannah Chang was one of the richest kids in town. I couldn’t remember what her dad did. I know her mom was some kind of doctor. She’d told me a bunch of times, but I could never remember what kind. Hannah told me a lot of things. We were lab partners in biochem last year and ended up hanging out during a really long extra-credit experiment. She was one of the prettiest girls I’d ever met. She’s tall and used to volunteer every weekend at a homeless shelter. I never asked her about it, but someone said she also used to volunteer at the gay center downtown. Maybe I should ask her about someone to talk to. But why the hell would I want to talk to anyone? I mean, really, what could they tell me? That I’m gay? I already know that.

  We rang the bell and waited for a minute before Hannah opened up. Hannah let everyone know—everyone except me—that she was into me, but, you know, I didn’t want to date her, so I pretended like no one ever told me. I liked Hannah a lot. She was funny and nice, and I liked hanging out with her in a group, but, you know. I just plastered a stupid smile on my face when she opened the door.

  “Hey, guys! Come on in.” Hannah had her hair pulled back and she wore a tank top. She played tennis, and it showed. Her arms were super toned. I was actually kind of jealous. I knew I had to be bigger for the season, but I thought I looked better when I was more ripped and less bulky. It was one of the only good things about off-season, when I didn’t have to maintain any extra size.

  “Hi, Dylan.” Hannah opened her arms and gave me a hug.

  “Hey, Hannah. What’s up?” I backed away a little bit and half waved, even though we’d already hugged.

  She walked us into the living room. Her house was huge. I mean, I think both my kitchen and dining room could have fit into half of her living room. The carpet and all the furniture were white which made me even more nervous. I could be a klutz sometimes, and all I could picture was spilling a huge bottle of coke all over everything. The only time I was ever—what’s the best word? Graceful?—well, that was on the field. I never felt big and clumsy when I was running or throwing. Not like walking around a house like this. One bump and the whole coffee table would go crashing down.

  DeShawn was there sitting in the living room along with Dave and a couple of Hannah’s friends, who I’d seen before, but I only really knew one of them. One was Kelly. I’m pretty sure her name was Kelly. She was on the debate team with Hannah. The other girl was Valerie. I knew her. Everybody in school knew her. Rumor was that she had slept with every guy in the senior class. I hadn’t done it with her, s
o I knew it wasn’t true. She liked to kiss. That much I did know.

  Valerie and I had ended up on Riley’s back porch over the summer one Saturday night. She asked me if I wanted to make out with her.

  “Just kiss,” she said. Valerie’s voice was soft and really deep for a girl. “Nothing beyond that.”

  “I’m cool, Valerie. I’d rather just hang out, if that’s good with you.” I smiled at her and we sat next to each other on the steps that lead to the backyard.

  “That’s totally cool.”

  And that was the end of it. We talked for the next couple of hours and always waved to each other in the hall. I actually really liked Val. She put up with a lot of crap from people who talked about her behind her back, but she was never mean-spirited, never shot back with rumors about anyone else, never even tried to deny anything. She just went around on her way. I wish I could say we hung out a lot, but, except for that time at Riley’s, we didn’t run into each other too much. She was a cheerleader, so she would be on the team bus sometimes for away games, but other than that, we barely saw each other around school. She was in AP classes. I wasn’t.